Feeling a lil bit better..

i'm trying to get out of this down-low feeling..slowly but surely..'taking it one day at a time.

Since genie in a lamp doesn't exist or magic wands that make wishes come true, i'm trying my best to snap out of this not-so-good feeling. i'm doing this by myself, still no help from the people i love..they're at loss on how to help me too :(

how i wish that professional psychiatric help is available in this country too, it doesn't exist in this third world country which is a very sad thing.

thank you for the encouraging words Steven. Sometimes we find answers to our questions from complete strangers! This internet world is full of mystery just as in real life. 

Depression

...has set in since the first few days of July. I'm still not okay and the hubby does not know it. I'm good in pretending when I have to face family members and as soon as I can get away from their sight I run to my own hiding place somewhere in the attic. I have a mini-office there, they think I'm busy. But in all honesty, I just want to stay away from everyone. I have been suffering like this since I cannot remember when. It's not easy. The reason why I'm like this? I really don't know but I have some ideas. I just don't want to think and write about it now. All I know is I'm losing interest in my life. I don't care anymore. I'm like living my life  according to my daily responsibilities for the family. I do what needs to be done, clean up the house, do the laundry, everything is a routine. I used to feel contented with all of these. But right now, I don't feel happy anymore. :(

Hypertension has been bugging me, my heart seems to falter a beat every now and then, in general, I don't feel well! I don't exercise anymore and I'm solely to blame. 

There are days I just don't want to get up anymore. Sigh.

IT'S DIFFICULT TO PRETEND TO BE HAPPY WHEN YOU'RE REALLY NOT!!

I'm not sure if my husband can feel it too but maybe he's just afraid to confront me with it. Sometimes I wish he would because I'll never tell him unless he asks me first. I don't want to seek his help because I'm afraid of rejection - he might laugh or ridicule me as a first reaction because we have never experienced this with anyone else before. And if that happens, I'll completely hide away from this world.

I'm really really sad and nobody knows it. 

http://flic.kr/p/a2YNpN

Picture #4: My Youngest Daughter

random thought, a photo by mommy random thoughts on Flickr.

she's so sporty just like her father; yet she's so fashionista just like her mother.

she's got the best of both worlds!

Pictures #2 and #3: Green and Black&White

To compensate for yesterday, I decided to place two photos here.

Sometimes life feels like so alive vibrant with colors; while at other times it seems like gray and colorless. But on both situations, life is still beautiful. 

These are from our garden. :)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mommyrandomthoughts/5893732828/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mommyrandomthoughts/5893731322/

I'm sorry I cannot post a picture today because I had to do so many things. My whole day was occupied with expected and very unexpected things!

But the worst part of the day was when the courier of Air21 did not deliver the package I was supposed to receive yesterday! And the nerve of the courier! I called up the main and provincial offices and was able to track down the person who was to deliver my package and guess what? He gave me two options to choose from: either I wait for my package tomorrow or I pick it up at their office today which was about ten minutes away from our home. Jeez, why should I pick it up when it was sent and paid with the rate of door-to-door service?!

GRRRR!

 I'll never ever use that courier service again. >.<

Picture #1: 30

30, a photo by mommy random thoughts on Flickr.

There are 30 days in the month of June. :)
And i decided to start this project on the last day of this month..like a postscript!
Well, i hope to accomplish a one-year set on this project.

Do encourage me!