Tuesday, July 12, 2011


...has set in since the first few days of July. I'm still not okay and the hubby does not know it. I'm good in pretending when I have to face family members and as soon as I can get away from their sight I run to my own hiding place somewhere in the attic. I have a mini-office there, they think I'm busy. But in all honesty, I just want to stay away from everyone. I have been suffering like this since I cannot remember when. It's not easy. The reason why I'm like this? I really don't know but I have some ideas. I just don't want to think and write about it now. All I know is I'm losing interest in my life. I don't care anymore. I'm like living my life  according to my daily responsibilities for the family. I do what needs to be done, clean up the house, do the laundry, everything is a routine. I used to feel contented with all of these. But right now, I don't feel happy anymore. :(

Hypertension has been bugging me, my heart seems to falter a beat every now and then, in general, I don't feel well! I don't exercise anymore and I'm solely to blame. 

There are days I just don't want to get up anymore. Sigh.


I'm not sure if my husband can feel it too but maybe he's just afraid to confront me with it. Sometimes I wish he would because I'll never tell him unless he asks me first. I don't want to seek his help because I'm afraid of rejection - he might laugh or ridicule me as a first reaction because we have never experienced this with anyone else before. And if that happens, I'll completely hide away from this world.

I'm really really sad and nobody knows it. 

sooo tired

1 comment:

  1. Hey there. I don't know if you read my blog or not but I reference my depression and/or mental state due to certain things in some of my posts. The most important thing here though is that you are not alone. Not to dismiss your feelings at all....trust me because this can become a very serious issue, but in order for you to recover you are going to need to talk to someone and confront your suspicions of why you think you might be depressed. Whether you talk to your husband, a friend, or even a fellow blogger you need to discuss it and put the cards out on the table. Harboring all of this is not going to solve it and as a person that has went through a serious depression...its not just going to go away. You seem like a very educated well aware young lady and I know that you know confronting this is inevitable. I am here if you would like to talk since I can relate but, I do encourage you to try to approach your husband at some point when you feel comfortable because he is suppose to be your best friend in this world. Your not alone though sweetie and I genuinely feel your pain and frustration.